After five years, boyfriend is still afraid to commit
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a boyfriend of five years. Yes, you read that right: five years. I love him very much and have been waiting patiently for around four years for him to ask me to marry him. I know it sounds bad and I need to have more respect for myself, but I can’t see my life without him. His hesitation stems from his parents’ divorce when he was young, which has made him cautious about marriage. Despite our strong relationship, this fear seems to be holding him back from taking the next step. I’ve tried to be understanding and patient, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult for me to cope with the uncertainty and the waiting.
I don’t want to pressure my boyfriend into something he’s not ready for, but I need to consider my own feelings and the future I envision for us. Should I leave him for someone who doesn’t have these hesitations and will follow through with marriage, or should I wait it out? How can I address this issue with him without causing tension or making him feel pushed? — Time To Make a Move
DEAR TIME TO MAKE A MOVE: Maybe your boyfriend needs an ultimatum to take action. If you want to marry him, tell him. Better yet, you can ask him to marry you. You can let him know that it is time for the two of you either to move forward and make a firm commitment or to disband your relationship. Tell him what you want. If that is marriage and a plan to create a family together, describe your vision. Ask him if he wants that, too. If so, push past the fear — together — and go for it. If not, you should free yourself to build a life with someone who wants to be your partner.
A word of caution: If you have someone waiting in the wings who seems like second prize, that may never work for you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor constantly plays loud music late into the night, disrupting my sleep and causing frustration. Just last night, they had a loud party that lasted until the early hours of the morning, with music blaring and guests being rowdy. Despite my polite requests to lower the volume, the noise continued. This is not the first time this has happened, and I am finding it challenging to address this issue without escalating tensions in our neighborhood. I want to find a solution to the noise problem that works for both of us. Any advice would be great. — Inconsiderate Neighbors
DEAR INCONSIDERATE NEIGHBORS: Check the noise ordinances in your neighborhood. In some areas, there are restrictions on how loud music can be after a certain hour. If that’s the case where you live, file a complaint against your neighbor, citing a noise violation. You can also call 311 (not 911) to report excessive noise. In some instances, a law enforcement official will come out to check on the noise and invite the offender to turn it down. This action could help to shut down the music or aggravate your neighbor. Only resort to reporting them if you can’t take it anymore.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.