Veteran comes out as gay in own published obituary
Army Col. Edward Thomas Ryan’s obituary has a long list of achievements. His honors, according to the obituary published in the Albany Times Union, included the National Defense Service Medal, the Defense of Liberty Medal, the Conspicuous Service Medal and the Commanders Citation from the Division of Military and Naval Affairs.
A brother and uncle, Ryan was a retired firefighter and chairman of the Vietnam Veterans/Agent Orange Committee for the American Legion, among other major community contributions such as his co-ownership of local radio station WHRL-FM of Albany, New York. There are relatives, accomplishments and sacrifices. He donated his body to science.
And then, a heartbreaking coda in his own words.
“I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life,” Ryan wrote.
The message left a bittersweet impression this Pride Month as Ryan finally shared his secret – but only posthumously.
The Army veteran and firefighter, careers of courage, apologized “for not having the courage to come out,” he wrote. “I was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it.”
Fortunately, he wrote, being closeted did not keep Ryan from finding “the love of my life,” Paul Cavagnaro. “We had 25 great years together. Paul died in 1994 from a medical Procedure gone wrong. I’ll be buried next to Paul.”
Ryan concluded, “Now that my secret is known, I’ll forever Rest in Peace.”
Hundreds of comments have flooded in since the publication of Ryan’s obituary.
Posts left beneath the listing on Legacy.com and social media rang overwhelmingly with love and admiration for a man who, even in death, touched more people than he could personally know.
Many messages left by strangers wished Ryan a happy eternity with his beloved partner, Paul, and expressed sadness that the two were not able to live and love publicly during their lifetimes.
“Thank you for all the good you’ve put into the world. I’m sorry that you had to hide who you love. May you enjoy eternity with your beloved, and that you are accepted as you are by so, so many people,” said one.
“Your story touched me deeply. I am so sorry that we live in such a judgmental world,” said another.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” reassured one, while another said, “I’m so sorry that you couldn’t live your authentic self, but are now able to join your beloved Paul. And I’m sure that you’d never imagine you have so many friends.”
One post, signed by a minister, said “God made you. God never makes mistakes. Your soul is eternal and you will be remembered for the courage that brought you to share your truth. Eternal peace.”
Another, signed simply by “A mother in St. Louis” thanked Ryan for spending his life in service of his country, and for being “brave enough to tell the world who you are,” adding, “as the mother of gay children, I am forever in your debt.”
A private service is being held for Ryan’s family to honor his memory.