Please take out stairs for the next presidency
In the spirit of bipartisan harmony and patriotism, I have a modest proposal as we look toward a new national election.
Whether voters reelect Joe Biden or Donald Trump in November, the United States will have an octogenarian president. Biden is 81 and Trump turned 78 this month.
As they grow older, we can expect that the physical abilities of both men will never be better than they are now and will likely atrophy. This, understandably, has given some people pause.
And watching Trump sleep through his recent criminal trial, and Biden baby-stepping through the G-7 summit is not reassuring
We’ve never had two presidential candidates this old seeking four more years in office. Both parties have accused the other of supporting a nominee with cognitive difficulties and mental lapses associated with old age.
Putting the mental issues aside, there is something we all can agree on that deals with the physical challenges of an older president.
Whether Trump or Biden gets elected, for the good of the country, we’ve got to stop putting these old men on display while they walk up and down steep staircases to and from airplanes.
At least until 2028, Air Force One has turned into an inaccessible accommodation that teeters on violating the Americans with Disabilities Act.
Or to put it another way: We need a presidency without stairs.
Stairs are the enemy of older people. Falls are the leading cause of injury deaths for senior citizens, according to the Centers for Disease Control.
Trump’s first wife, Ivana, 73, died
from blunt trauma two years ago from falling down a staircase in her home. And that staircase was nowhere as high or treacherous as the one on Air Force One.
Biden has a bad habit of trying to jog up the steps of the presidential jet – perhaps to overcompensate – and that has resulted in some breath-holding moments and potential peril.
On one trip up the staircase three years ago, he stumbled three times, ending up on his knees before making it up to the cabin.
It turns out, gravity might be a bigger menace for Biden than Fox News.
Meanwhile, Trump observers have noted that something is going on with his right leg, which gives him an unusual gait. He throws that leg out in front of him sometimes, a sign of some undisclosed physical malady.
Here’s what political commentator Ron Filipkowski wrote on X after watching Trump descend the staircase on his private jet last weekend during a campaign trip last weekend in Michigan:
“Look how intensely focused he is on not screwing this up because this is so important to him. Staring down the whole time while gripping that railing. Then you can see how proud he is of his accomplishment at the bottom.”
It’s undignified to put our octogenarian presidents through the death-defying ritual of walking up and down the steps that give them access to their signature form of travel.
When a younger president gets to the top of the stairway to Air Force One and turns and waves, there’s nothing particularly dramatic there.
But I’m imagining that watching Trump or Biden wave back at the top of the staircase in the year 2028 is going to be like watching a brave daredevil announcing his arrival at the top of Mount Everest. And what if he can’t make it anymore?
If you love this country, you ought to hate watching a duly elected American president put through the humiliating exercise of attempting to get on and off his airplane.
And that’s why I’m proposing that the portable staircases that roll up to Air Force One be equipped with a motorized stair lift – at least until we go back to electing presidents who are in their 50s.
You know the chairs I’m talking about. You’ve seen them on late-night TV infomercials. The person sits in the chair with armrests, straps in, and rides uneventfully on a motorized trip up and down the stairs.
No tense moments. No need to find out where the vice president is, just in case.
Sure, Biden and Trump will both say that they don’t need the motorized chair. That they’re both fully capable of walking up and down the steps on their own power. But at this point, they ought to be reminded that they should put their egos aside and think of national security. After all, we don’t let them drive cars, either.
A good first step toward acceptance would be to show them some of the stats on older people and falls while introducing them to the CDC program to prevent falls among the elderly. It’s entitled STEADI – Stopping Elderly Accidents, Deaths and Injuries.
“More than one out of four people 65 and older falls each year, and over 3 million are treated in emergency departments annually for fall injuries,” the CDC program says. “You play an important role in caring for older adults and you can help reduce these devastating injuries.”
The Secret Service could be deputized to be The Seated Service for the next four years.
Keeping our octogenarian presidents from falling down the stairs is the least we can do to reassure the rest of the world that we here in the U.S. have everything under control.
At least until nap time.
Frank Cerabino is a news columnist with The Palm Beach Post, part of the Gannett chain of newspapers.