Dear annie
DEAR ANNIE: I’ve been dating my boyfriend, “Tom,” for three years, and we recently moved in together. Things have been mostly great, but there’s one issue I’m struggling with. Tom spends a lot of time with his friends and usually doesn’t include me. He’ll go out with them several times a week, sometimes staying out late, while I’m left at home by myself waiting for him to return.
I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he insists that he needs his “guy time” and that it doesn’t mean he loves me any less. I understand the need for personal space, but I still feel sort of forgotten when he goes out all the time without me. I’ve suggested we find a balance where he can still see his friends but also spend quality time with me, but he brushes it off and says I’m being too clingy.
I love Tom and want our relationship to work, but I’m starting to resent his friends and even him
for not making more of an effort to include me or spend time with me.
-- Feeling Neglected
DEAR FEELING NEGLECTED: I understand how tough it can be to feel left out, especially when you’re sharing a home with someone.
Since talking directly hasn’t worked, try shifting the conversation a bit. Instead of saying, “You’re always with your friends,” frame it around your relationship goals. You could say something like, “I’d really love for us to have a date night once a week.”
You should also use the time he’s out to focus on your own hobbies or see your friends. This can help you feel less dependent on his schedule.
“HOW CAN I FORGIVE MY CHEATING PARTNER?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www. creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com.
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