LA TIMES CROSSWORD
ACROSS
1 Tool for someone with attachment issues
11 Pros who work according to schedule?
15 “I haven’t even gotten to the good part”
16 Spot to 14-Down 17 Part of a full count 18 Pond plant 19 Long
20 Message with a
slammed door 22 Jack of “Twin
Peaks” 24 Fourth-highest mountain on Earth
25 Cold one 28 Person in labor 29 “Queen of the Blues” Washington 30 Foil a foil 32 COINTELPRO
org.
35 Exact location,
slangily 36 Yankee great
who wore No. 9 37 Cure component 38 “Definitely” 39 Ashtray array 40 Change for a 20 41 Sassiness,
informally 42 Infamous fly
eater?
44 “Stand strong” 47 Weasel 48 Serious violation 50 Title of respect 54 Useless,
batterywise
55 Lot lot
57 Like challah 58 Solved crosswords in a waiting room, say 59 CNBC topic
60 Publisher’s
guideline
DOWN
1 Intro to web
programming 2 Surprised
greeting
3 Arctic __: bird that flies between poles 4 New York’s High Line or Boston’s Emerald Necklace
5 Film producer
Daniels
6 Wells Fargo rival 7 Free
8 Half of a “Do You
Love Me?” duo 9 Many search
results
10 Big and little
spoon, say 11 Drawer in a box 12 Spirit guide? 13 Cattle breed 14 Skim the
surface? 21 Bridge call 23 Incinerator
residue
25 NYE, for Psy 26 Badger
27 Stops 28 Sentence
structure
31 “The only way to run away without leaving home,” per Twyla Tharp 32 __ bean
33 Ran
34 Wee 36 Dirty looks from a
spa attendant 37 Creature domesticated in China more than 5,000 years ago
39 Small town 40 Org. concerned
with recalls
41 It’s bound to
change colors 43 Reveal 44 Leader from
Scranton 45 Parting words 46 Standards 47 Oscar nominee
Hawkins
49 Café au __ 51 “Voyage to India”
Grammy winner 52 High point
53 Converge
56 Hook-and-ladder
cos.
Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: My fiancé and I bought a house late last year, with help from his parents. Though we both make good salaries, he comes from a rich family, and I was raised by a single mom. His parents insisted on giving us the money for our down payment and closing costs, and my mom gave us a dishwasher, which was very generous of all of them and also appreciated.
We have been working like mad on fixing the house up to get it ready for our wedding. Neither of us is very experienced with DIY, so it’s been a difficult, stressful process and caused some tension between us. We were discussing what kind of flooring to get for the front hall, and I wanted the more expensive but easier-to-work-with stuff. We got into a fight that escalated to the point of him accusing me of being a gold digger who was after his money. I was in shock and asked him why he would think that, and he said, “Because you told me about how you grew up poor,” and he’s had the thought in the back of his head since we bought the house. He told me he has a spreadsheet where he keeps track of how much he’s spent on me versus how much I’ve spent on him and he has spent thousands more on me, not even counting the money his parents gave us.
I told him that didn’t sound right since we split all costs 50/50, and he admitted it included my engagement ring. It is a family heirloom his great-aunt gave him, but he was counting the value of it.
Later he apologized, but I’m still hurt and angry. I feel paranoid that maybe his family said something. I’m really sad that all this time I’ve been loving him and thinking he was wonderful, and he’s been thinking this way about me and even documenting it so he could throw it in my face.
He’s said the spreadsheet is just an “anxiety thing” and he loves me and wants us to work on fixing things. I think I do, too, but then I think of what he said and I get overwhelmed. How can I get over this? – “Gold Digger”
“Gold Digger”: Whoo. I don’t know. I don’t know that I could. Or that you should.
He not only has kept the thought in the back of his mind for months? years? that you have poor values and ulterior motives and can’t be trusted, but kept records in the event he needs to prove it.
I wish I had a more hopeful answer for you. But he either lashed out impulsively and didn’t mean it, or accidentally told the truth – those are the only two choices – and the first is a stretch when there’s a spreadsheet as evidence of the second. Plus, the first is so vicious in its own right.
He says he loves you, OK. But trusts? Respects? Believes in? Does he feel lucky every day to be the person you chose?
Best case, “just an ‘anxiety thing,’” still casts you as a threat to be controlled. So the “work on fixing things” doesn’t sound like DIY, but instead couples counseling at the least.
The family paranoia, by the way, is wasted stress – each of you stands on your own authority in choosing your partner, 100 percent, or you’re not ready to be anyone’s partner. If he’s that susceptible to their influence, then the problem is still between the two of you, so that’s where your attention belongs.
Email Hax at tellme@washpost.com.