CAROLYN HAX
Dear Carolyn:
I am planning to propose to my girlfriend in a few weeks.
She knows it’s coming, we’ve discussed it, no real surprises.
I think a ring would be sweet and meaningful, and she loves jewelry. The problem is she outearns me significantly, and there is nothing within my price range that’s anywhere near as good as what she could buy for herself. I know that’s not the point, and she would NOT care, but the gesture loses something if the ring is subpar.
Is there a simple ring that’s worth buying even if it’s not impressive to the recipient? Having creative block is making the anticipation a little less buzzy.
Dear Proposing:
ADVICE WITH ATTITUDE & A GROUNDED SET OF VALUES
— Proposing
Having a ring custom made can be so much more precious than generic-expensive. The materials can be as humble or fine as your budget allows. A girlfriend
who loves jewelry has favorite things you can photograph, right? Share them with an artisan to get design ideas. You can include or not include your girlfriend in the design process — there are advantages to both.
Or: Go vintage (again, bring photos to show the salesperson) or resale. Traditional engagement rings sell for way less used than new; it’s just one extra little kick in the chops for people going through a divorce, but good news for ring shoppers like you.
Re Ring:
Another option for a ring is a labgrown diamond ring. Less expensive and ethically sourced and also very beautiful!
— Anothernonymous
Dear Anothernonymous:
Anothernonymous: I want one as big as a Ring Pop. For our entire relationship, I’ve always outearned my husband, often by a 2:1
Re Ring:
ratio. He bought me an engagement ring he could afford. It’s perfect, and I love it. It matters that it’s from him, and what matters even more is that we’ve been married over 13 years and have survived two cross-country moves, pandemic lockdown with two small kids and irreconcilable agreements over which “Pride and Prejudice” adaptation is better, and we still make each other laugh every day.
Dear Laughing:
BBC. Duh.
— Laughing
Other readers’ suggestions:
“Use a silly toy ring, and you can look for your wedding bands together, and maybe work with an artisan on them together. I so rarely wear my engagement ring — even though it’s small, it kind of gets in the way and requires cleaning — but I keep my band on while doing everything, including cooking, pottery, etc.”
“Girlfriend who outearns her partner here. What would make an engagement ring meaningful and significant to me is that it is the ring that my partner picked out for me and proposed to me with. Money comes easily to me, so something being expensive doesn’t add to its emotional weight.”
“I know there are women who care more about the price tag than the ring, but who wants to marry one of them? Pretty sure, from the tone of your post, your intended doesn’t fall into that category. Choose from your heart, and the ring will speak to hers.”
Need Carolyn’s advice? Email your questions to tellme@washpost.com.