Los Angeles Times

ASKING ERIC

Dear Eric: I have a group of three girlfriend­s from middle school/high school. We stayed close during college and were in one another’s weddings, etc. I have known these women for more than 50 years.

There is one person in the group that I have been consistent­ly close with over the many years. With the other two, there was a more than 15-year gap in our friendship­s when I moved away. The problem is that I have outgrown those two.

These two always insist that we get together as a group four times a year. They’re very difficult to deal with and inf lexible with their schedules but insist on these get-togethers.

I would like to withdraw from these gatherings. I’ve tried to beg off, but they insist on waiting for me to be available. It’s ridiculous and I’m exhausted from it. These are people that don’t take no for an answer. How do I end this madness?

Over It

Dear Over It: Sometimes you have to be very clear that a friendship is over. A breakup, if you will. That sounds like where you are with these two people now.

But, unlike romantic breakups, which often have clear beginnings and endings, the dissolutio­n of friendship­s can be hazy and imprecise. So, you’ll have to be clear about what you want.

I asked friendship expert Anna Goldfarb, author of the book “Modern Friendship,” for a kind but clear breakup script.

“Be polite yet firm. Say, ‘Thanks for the invitation, ladies, but I’m unavailabl­e for these kinds of events. While I appreciate you thinking of me, these birthday get-togethers aren’t my thing.’ ” Anna also said that you shouldn’t be afraid to disengage if they push back. You may need to mute the invites.

Dear Eric: My husband and I dated long distance for a year before we married. During this time, he told me he had post-selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor syndrome. After stopping the medication, he could still “perform” but no longer desires sex. He said before the SSRI his drive was fine.

While we were dating this seemed OK because, although infrequent, he seemed like he was enjoying sex. Then we got married. After 11 months without sex, we went to see a therapist where it came out that he actually didn’t like having sex when we were dating. He was never really into it. He’s just not able to feel desire anymore. He’s tried sex-enhancemen­t drugs, Wellbutrin, herbal supplement­s, therapists, testostero­ne.

Nothing has worked.

We are both still in our 20s and I am undecided about children. I’d never heard of this syndrome before, but after researchin­g it, it doesn’t seem that uncommon. I love my husband. Do you have any advice on how to cope with this?

Depressed Desire

Dear Desire: It sounds like marriage (and therapy) allowed your husband enough comfort to stop performing his enjoyment. Try to see his honesty as an invitation to be honest about how you feel as well. Is sex with your husband a key component of your ideal marriage? Is sex with you a key component of his ideal marriage? Ask yourself; ask him.

This is likely as confusing for him as it is for you. There are still a lot of unknowns about post-SSRI syndrome. A 2023 study estimated that roughly 4 out of every 100,000 people who took SSRIs developed sexual dysfunctio­n after taking them. He’s not alone, but he may feel like he is.

On the logistical side, your husband’s post-SSRI syndrome doesn’t preclude having kids. If you two decide to try for a family, everything you’ve written indicates he would be willing and able to participat­e.