Las Vegas Review-Journal

Woman delays revealing husband’s death

DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Guy,” and I enjoyed a happy marriage for 30 years, despite the fact that his mother disliked me and did everything she could to undermine our relationsh­ip. Guy died suddenly in his sleep last month while we were vacationin­g in South Asia.

I decided not to tell anyone that Guy had died until I arrived home five days later. I immediatel­y notified Guy’s family and my own family and ran an obituary in the newspaper.

His mother is livid with me for not telling her immediatel­y. She sent me a vicious email in which she called me every bad name in the book, even hinting that I may have had something to do with Guy’s demise. I’m not going to respond to her, but was I wrong by delaying the announceme­nt? Is there a rule that says his family was entitled to immediate notificati­on? — Sudden Widow in the South

DEAR WIDOW: Guy’s mother is grieving. Her anger may stem from the pain of losing her son. She might have wanted the opportunit­y to see him one more time before he was cremated, if that was possible. If she really thinks you might have had something to do with his demise, offer her a copy of his death certificat­e.

And no, there isn’t a rule of etiquette about notifying someone’s family about a death, although it usually happens at the time the person dies. That said, his mother should have taken into considerat­ion the fact that you were in shock yourself and alone in a foreign country.

DEAR ABBY: I’m not exaggerati­ng when I say my son and his wife are slobs. Their house is filthy, the outside is neglected and their cars are disgusting. They are both working profession­als, but my husband and I are working profession­als too, and we always cared for our home.

It’s difficult to spend time in their home. We no longer stay overnight because the perpetual chaos and dirtiness is stressful. I am hoping for suggestion­s to help us maintain a good relationsh­ip but also to guide them gently. It’s not a healthy environmen­t for their two children, either. — Appalled Mom in Florida

DEAR MOM: Your son and daughter-in-law are busy, and their priorities are different from yours. If their home is as bad as you say, my concern is for the children who are growing up to think this is normal. If they are earning good money at their jobs, perhaps they could afford hiring someone to do the cleaning and yard work they don’t have time for. You might gently suggest it. However, if they aren’t receptive, back off.