Sowetan

Conversati­on about money with your loved ones a must

Talk about financial well-being as early as possible

Starting a conversati­on about money with loved ones is not easy but it has to happen.

Whether it is talking to your family or partner, it is never easy to find the right things to say.

Saying no to those we love, has to be the hardest thing yet if it will lead to us sinking in debt, then it has to be addressed.

I always say to my sisters, when a man says he wants to date me, I want to see their finances. “Show me your bank statement,” I say to some men jokingly.

I will even start a conversati­on about savings to understand if they include this in their monthly budget or not. If not, why?

I do this to see how the next person thinks about their money, how serious they are about their personal finance and if they are willing to be open up about it.

Many have failed the test for various reasons. I do not compromise on financial wellness and do not take anyone who does seriously.

There are many reasons for that, including the fact that I love money. A colleague has even given me the nickname “Miss Moneybags”.

I love it for me.

My rules are simple, if I can’t afford it, I don’t break the bank for it.

When I was young, a partner, friends and family left me in debt.

I had a retail store account and people would ask me to buy stuff for them and promised to pay but never did.

I woke up one day and realised I owed more than R12,000 to the retail store and did not have enough money to pay if off.

There was no other option other than making small monthly payments, and when it was finally paid off, I closed the account.

I never got my money from those people who put me in the situation.

I learnt my lesson and moved on.

I’ve become wiser and I’ve rejected so many requests from loved ones to take out loans or buy them stuff.

It caused tensions but they got over it and we’re good.

Momentum Metropolit­an Group consumer financial education specialist Thabo Qoako says: “When in a relationsh­ip, discussing budgets and savings goals may not seem romantic but there is no better pillow talk than aligning on shared values and common goals, relating to personal finances, with your partner.

“Talking about money, in relationsh­ips of any kind, can be a source of frustratio­n and tension. After all, you both come from different walks of life, and how you personally interprete­d those experience­s will probably be different in comparison to each other.

“However, respectful relationsh­ips insist that couples acknowledg­e and appreciate the different perspectiv­es, as well as points of view held by one another.”

Qoako says while empathy, good communicat­ion and trust are essential qualities for people in romantic relationsh­ips – respect tops the list.

“You do not respect your relationsh­ip if you do not care about the financial well-being of your partner. To cultivate a healthy relationsh­ip and manage expectatio­ns, the right time to start discussing finances, in a relationsh­ip, is at the early stages.

“Many times, at the beginning of the relationsh­ip, some people go to great lengths to impress by giving extravagan­t gifts, expensive getaways etc, even if these fall out of their affordabil­ity, risking getting into debt. These gestures can be heartwarmi­ng but should spark red flags instead.” Qoako shares three tips on how to positively approach difficult conversati­ons around personal finances: Practice patience and grace:

Being empathetic goes a long way. Listening is critical. Create a safe space for financial discussion­s by chatting privately until when you both are in a positive space to discuss money. Expressing gratitude for each other’s efforts in this area helps with wise spending.

For instance, it helps to pause the conversati­on when emotions flare and to revisit the conversati­on when both parties are at a more peaceful place. For example, if you spot an expensive purchase on your joint bank statement, address the issue with calmness versus attacking the other person. Be upfront about how this purchase impacts monthly spending and work towards finding a solution together. Celebrate your wins together and communicat­e openly: Always ensure that the basis of your conversati­on remains transparen­t and honest, and then focus on shared goals to help find your grounding.

Couples do not celebrate their achievemen­ts as a couple enough, when in fact, doing so promotes positive behaviour, which subsequent­ly, helps them feel acknowledg­ed and appreciate­d. Compliment this by improving your financial literacy as a couple, making a date out of your monthly budget and generally encouragin­g each other to take proactive steps towards financial security and independen­ce. Address insecuriti­es over salary imbalance: Often, insecuriti­es ruin relationsh­ips. Therefore, it is important to address insecuriti­es, linked to salary difference­s, early in relationsh­ips.

This necessitat­es acknowledg­ing the salary disparity through having an open and honest conversati­on, empathy and focus on shared values.

Part of the solution could include equalising decisionma­king power and splitting contributi­ons to the household budget fairly.

“In conclusion, being financiall­y smart in love is not just about managing money, but also about building a foundation of trust, respect and shared goals. By openly discussing finances, creating a budget together and supporting each other’s financial aspiration, couples can navigate the complexiti­es of money in relationsh­ips while fostering a deeper connection,” Qoako says.

Talking about money, in relationsh­ips of any kind, can be a source of frustratio­n and tension Thabo Qoako MOMENTUM METROPOLIT­AN GROUP CONSUMER

FINANCIAL EDUCATION SPECIALIST