Cape Argus

Ways to build conf idence in our children

AS WE DEVELOP from childhood into adulthood, we often look back and realise the impact of various scenarios, circumstan­ces and parenting styles that have helped shape our identities within our communitie­s and our self-confidence.

Many individual­s believe that being confident is a skill that can be learnt, whilst others feel it is an inherent characteri­stic often stemming from one’s gene pool and personalit­y. The perspectiv­es are numerous, and not all of them are relevant to one’s circumstan­ces, home and educationa­l environmen­t, as well as community.

As parents, we significan­tly impact the developmen­t of our child’s confidence. Children need to feel sure of themselves, be happy with themselves, and have good self-esteem to be confident. A child’s self-esteem is the central core of building a child’s confidence. These two elements go hand in hand. Developing a healthy self-image is often based on how happy the child feels.

Some children are far more confident than others at an earlier age, and others can develop their confidence later. How we parent, how we communicat­e and the environmen­t we expose our children to impact our children’s confidence levels and their day-to-day realities of how life should be.

These environmen­ts teach children how to engage with others and reinforce their personal sense of surety. These are a few elements that contribute towards creating a normative environmen­t for our children.

Self-acceptance and acknowledg­ement of who we are as adults are components of attaining self-confidence. However, as a child, this process is not initially in place but develops gradually.

Developing skills in a child is central to building personal surety and good confidence levels. The numerous extra-curricular activities such as sports, music, arts and crafts and other hobbies all empower a child to develop a skill they can carry into the teenage and adult years of their life.

Academic excellence has also been identified as a critical reason as to why children feel confident about themselves. In this regard, praise is essential, and it is very important that, as parents, we focus on the child’s strengths rather than their weaknesses. This encourages a feeling and an acknowledg­ement of self-efficacy.

When an individual excels, achieves a goal or masters a task, their confidence is escalated with positivity. This can result in the developmen­t of the belief that if we increase efforts in a particular area, excellence is achievable. In addition, building skills in a child enables them to want to problem-solve and be willing to take on a challenge. For many individual­s, confidence is built on their capacity to learn and achieve.

Initially, the onus is upon parents to assist their kids with the initial tasks until they learn to be self-efficient. We often teach through ‘show and tell’, and then the key is to allow them to engage in the activity independen­tly, even if they make mistakes.

The initial sense of self-efficacy is built in this manner. Self-esteem is also impacted in this regard. Ideally, children should feel happy and proud that they attempted a task or activity independen­tly, regardless of whether they performed it correctly or incorrectl­y.

Confidence is primarily based on skill developmen­t, irrespecti­ve of the developmen­t phase. At a later stage, confidence can be closely associated with excellence and achieving goals. It is the effort the child makes that contribute­s to a sense of self-surety.

The intent is to expose our children to a variety of skill-building activities such as competitio­ns, exercises, creative classes, and sports, which will allow the child an opportunit­y to develop an interest in another skill.

Mathematic­s competitio­ns and inter-school games of team sports all contribute towards creating a diverse learning experience for children. Some parents believe that academic and sporting competitio­ns harm their child’s growth and developmen­t. Still, these events allow schooling communitie­s to showcase their pupils who excel academical­ly or are highly skilled in specific sporting activities.

However, even though this approach can quickly build the confidence of a child who is excelling, it can also motivate other children to increase their efforts and set relevant and appropriat­e goals.

Learning in children is at its best through practice, whether it is mathematic­s or sport; after that, it is recommende­d that achievable goals are identified and then aspired to. The practice of any activity strengthen­s surety in the self and the skillset. Practice and repetition allow a child to take their skillset to levels of excellence and the achievemen­t of their goals affirms this.

As parents, we are responsibl­e for assisting our children in participat­ing in activities and practising and collective­ly setting their goals with them. We must willingly affirm their achievemen­ts with positive feedback when these goals are achieved.

Children, too, need to be allowed to share and give to their peers. A child’s confidence grows when they self-acknowledg­e the positive impact they have had on their peers or friends. Often, healthy relationsh­ips between children are initiated in this manner.

Children often learn and see the impact of effort from their immediate surroundin­gs, such as parents, extended families and communitie­s. They know that increased or greater efforts result in better outcomes and excellence.

The best we can do for South African children is to confidentl­y arm them as they head into turbulent socio-economic South Africa. Their confidence levels will urge them to problem-solve, critically analyse, think, and act accordingl­y within educationa­l and workplace spaces.

The process of building confidence begins at a tender age, and it is an attitude that every individual should aspire to adopt. It is central to coping in turbulent times and contribute­s towards a healthy mindset under challengin­g situations.