Cape Argus

Key strategies for communicat­ing through conflict

CONFLICT is not your enemy – and how you choose to respond to it makes all the difference. Even the most seasoned profession­als can fall into common traps that exacerbate the situation rather than resolve it.

There are five basic mistakes to keep in mind.

♦ Avoidance: This is easily the most common mistake. People often hope the conflict will resolve itself if they ignore it. However, avoidance leads to more issues, misunderst­andings and increased tension over time. It can also damage relationsh­ips and erode trust. There are three ways to assess if you should address a conflict directly. The first is if it’s with someone you work directly with on a daily basis (for example, a direct team member). The second is if the conflict is negatively affecting the perception others have of you and risks damaging your reputation. The third is if the same conflict happens repeatedly – leading to continued frustratio­n, inefficien­cies and anxiety.

♦ Aggression: On the opposite end of the spectrum is aggression. Some individual­s confront conflict with hostility, aiming to dominate the conversati­on and “win” the argument. This approach can escalate the conflict, create defensiven­ess and damage profession­al relationsh­ips – making matters worse for everyone.

♦ Blame: When emotions run high, it’s easy to point fingers and assign fault. This approach not only intensifie­s the conflict, it also hinders problemsol­ving and resolution, as it shifts focus away from finding a solution. It can also lead to more new conflict as relationsh­ips become strained and lack trust.

♦ Defensiven­ess: Becoming defensive during a conflict is a natural response, but it can be counterpro­ductive. When you defend your actions or positions without considerin­g the other person’s perspectiv­e or dismissing their viewpoint altogether, you close off communicat­ion and miss the opportunit­y for mutual understand­ing and resolution.

♦ Lack of preparatio­n: Entering a conflict situation unprepared is a significan­t mistake. Without understand­ing the key issues, potential solutions and the perspectiv­es of all parties involved, you risk escalating the conflict and failing to reach a constructi­ve outcome.

When emotions run high, do not address conflict in the heat of the moment. Otherwise, you may say things you regret that could add more fuel to the fire. A solid rule of thumb is to take 24 hours to cool off before returning to the conversati­on calm, composed and with your thoughts gathered.

Conflict is bound to happen, but it does not have to be a source of stress or division. By adopting effective strategies like active listening, assertive communicat­ion and finding common ground, you can turn conflicts into opportunit­ies for growth, innovation and stronger relationsh­ips.

Active listening

Active listening is an essential skill in effective communicat­ion, especially during conflicts. It involves fully engaging with the speaker, understand­ing their message and responding thoughtful­ly.

Unlike passive listening where you might merely hear the words, active listening requires a conscious effort to understand the emotions and intentions behind those words. This level of engagement demonstrat­es respect and empathy, which are crucial for de-escalating tensions and finding common ground.

In conflict-oriented situations, the tendency to interrupt or formulate a rebuttal while the other person is speaking is strong. However, this approach can exacerbate misunderst­andings and heighten tensions. By practising active listening, peak performers create a safe space for open dialogue where all parties feel heard and valued. This not only helps in resolving the immediate conflict, it also strengthen­s relationsh­ips in the long-run.

Active listening requires patience, openness and a genuine desire to understand the other person’s perspectiv­e. When you listen actively, you are more equipped to move beyond your own biases and assumption­s – paving the way for more meaningful and productive conversati­ons.

Assertive approach

Assertive communicat­ion is a balanced and respectful way of expressing your thoughts, feelings and needs. It stands between passive communicat­ion, where you might avoid confrontat­ion and suppress your views; and aggressive communicat­ion, where you might push your ideas forcefully without considerin­g others enough.

In conflicts, assertive communicat­ion helps to clarify misunderst­andings, reduce tension and find mutually-beneficial solutions. It involves being honest about your own needs and feelings, while remaining open to the perspectiv­es of others. This approach not only addresses the issue at hand but also builds trust and respect among colleagues, making future interactio­ns smoother and more productive.

That said, many struggle with assertiven­ess because they fear being perceived as confrontat­ional or worry about damaging relationsh­ips. When done correctly, assertive communicat­ion enhances relationsh­ips by creating a foundation of mutual respect and understand­ing.

Common ground

Finding common ground is a powerful strategy for resolving conflicts and fostering collaborat­ion. It involves identifyin­g shared interests, goals or values that both parties can agree on and that can serve as a foundation for building win-win solutions.

This approach shifts the focus from opposing positions (“me” versus “you”) towards areas of agreement (“us” versus “the problem”) – making it easier to navigate difference­s and work towards a common objective.

When dealing with conflict, it’s easy to become entrenched in our own viewpoints, seeing the other person as an adversary. However, this mindset can create a barrier to effective communicat­ion and resolution.

Finding common ground requires a willingnes­s to understand the other person’s perspectiv­e.