Even Blanchett can’t rescue dismal action-comedy
Review
Borderlands (M, 101 mins) Directed by Eli Roth Reviewed by Graeme Tuckett **
Here’s a funny story. The last time I saw Cate Blanchett on a big screen was back in 2022. Towards the end of Todd Field’s Tár, Blanchett’s eponymous conductor had been ousted as a sexual predator and, to pay her legal bills, was last sighted in Manila, leading a student orchestra as they played the soundtrack to the videogame Monster Hunt, for an audience of teenage gamers.
So it made me laugh to see life imitating art a wee bit, as Blanchett turned up in Eli Roth’s adaptation of the videogame Borderlands. And it reminded me – again – that even one of the best actors in the world can’t do much in a film, if the script is terrible, the direction is listless – and the whole project reeks of cynicism from the ground up.
Borderlands – the game – is a critically acclaimed single or multi-player platform that takes its players around the distant planet of Pandora – not the one depicted in Avatar – in search of a mythical vault of buried goodies.
This Pandora is a post-apocalyptic desert wasteland populated by heavily armed gangs of convicts, corrupt oligarchs and some massive beasties that will chew you up if you even look at them the wrong way.
In the 15 years since Borderlands was released, the game has gathered a massive fanbase, who flock to every new iteration for brilliant design, witty writing and award-winning game-play. Even a numpty like me, who still misses the days when a hoon on Galaga at the Aro Street Fish and Chip Shop cost 20 cents, can appreciate that Borderlands is a great piece of game-making.
But none of that means it will translate into a great movie. Even a gun-happy fantasy set on a distant planet needs characters we can invest in – and Borderlands falls at the first hurdle.
Even with Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Edgar Ramirez (Zero Dark Thirty) and Jamie Lee goddamn Curtis all on screen, Borderlands never catches fire. The old cliche that watching this film is like watching someone else play a video game has seldom rung more true. A lineup of young unknowns – who at least looked like the game characters – would have cost a 10th as much and made for a better film.
Director Eli Roth (Hostel and a lot of dreck since) knows how to move a camera. And the design and execution of the swathes of CGI are occasionally pretty impressive, but Borderlands is still a dull slog from one bombastic set-piece to the next.
In a month or two, it will turn up on a streaming platform and, maybe, if you find yourself on the couch late at night, stoned as an outhouse rat, then watching Borderlands might not be the worst way to spend 100 minutes of your life.
Is that a recommendation? Not really.
Borderlands is in cinemas nationwide.