The Press

Elder abuse, scamming and grooming the vulnerable

Elder abuse can often stem from the belief that people are old, they’re in the way, and they have life savings. Kevin Norquay delves into the problem.

Sandra hadn’t seen her daughter since her husband died, when she’d left in his car, saying she’d sell it and give her the money. Now she was back, years later, at the auction of the family home, watching on like a vulture to see what it fetched, then leaving without a word.

It stressed octogenari­an Sandra, alone in her rest home apartment. Was she no more than a source of potential income to the child she had raised, better off dead than alive, not even worth the occasional phone call, birthday card or Christmas Day invite?

It wasn’t as if she was rich, she had her own bills to pay, costs her pension could not cover. If she got sick and needed full-time care, dentistry, hearing aids, a cleaner, or was forced to use taxis for transport, what then?

Her parents both lived into their late 90s. If she did too her carefully budgeted life savings couldn’t cover it. Yet here she was touching depression, made to feel bad for living so long, for being old and in the way.

Sandra’s daughter was guilty of elder abuse, both in her presence at the auction, and her absence at all other times, yet she wouldn’t likely see it that way.

About one in 10 New Zealand elders – around 85,000, nearly the population of New Plymouth – suffer abuse each year, so there are thousands of abusers, some of whom may not realise that is what they are doing.

Elder abuse is a single or repeated act, or lack of appropriat­e action, occurring within any relationsh­ip where there is an expectatio­n of trust, which causes harm or distress to an older person.

Measuring Elder Abuse in New Zealand: Findings from the New Zealand Longitudin­al Study of Ageing (NZLSA) (2015) estimated only one in 14 abuse incidents were brought to the attention of a service agency, with much of it not reaching levels that would require police interventi­on.

Its findings found women experience­d a greater sense of vulnerabil­ity, dependence and dejection, men felt higher levels of coercion, the divorced, separated or widowed felt considerab­ly more sad and lonely, or were more likely to feel uncomforta­ble with someone in their family.

Māori experience­d a significan­tly greater level of abuse than non-Māori, being forced to do things they didn’t want to do and more than twice as often having things taken from them without their permission.

With the proportion of Kiwis aged over 65 climbing, with the cost of living making every dollar worth scrabbling over, with new stresses imposed by Covid, logic dictates that elder abuse is growing, even if its true extent is underrepor­ted.

Other complicati­ons are the more complex relationsh­ips within blended families and digitised banking, which the elderly can be less adept at, yet it offers others easier access to their money.

Age Concern Profession­al Educator: Elder Abuse and Neglect Prevention Hanny Naus can’t put precise numbers on it. Nor does she want to see only bad cases of neglect highlighte­d, as that runs the risk of minimising more common abuses.

“The problem with bad cases is that it makes it easy to say, ‘Oh, I never knock my mum over and leave her lying on the floor, so I’m not doing elder abuse’, when the fact is I never go to see her, I leave her and never get in touch.”

She is keen to highlight the problem, to give the elderly the tools to protect themselves, and their family and carers guidelines. It is about the needs of the elderly, she says.

“We spend a lot of time saying, but what does your mother need? It’s about how you can put aside what you want to make sure that your mother or father or stepfather’s life is everything that they need and deserve.

“An older person’s money is everything they want or need until the day they die, and it’s not anybody else’s… we have to say that because people have huge expectatio­ns.”

But great expectatio­ns are not the extent of the abuse. Small also qualifies.

“If you’re stealing 20 bucks out of grandma’s purse that’s still elder abuse. Before, we were much more focused on cash and cheques and now that those methods aren’t used, there’s much more emphasis on getting hold of cards and pin numbers,” she says.

“They’ll do things online (for an older person) because you can’t go to your post office any more and pay your power bill. So what else are they checking out?”

Often at the core is the desire of an older person to help their family, if they can: lend them money, let them use the car, stay until they get that new job and go flatting.

But loans aren’t repaid, the car is never around or always needs fuel, and the short stay in the spare bedroom turns into stressful rentfree overstayin­g. Economic abuse makes up between a third and half of all cases Age Concern is aware of. Physical abuse is around one in five, and constitute­s things such as over-medicating, or restrainin­g, as well as hitting.

When crunch time arrives there can be gaslightin­g of the older person along the lines of “don’t you love and trust me? You’ve got money, why not give it to me now when I need it?” All of that tugs on the emotions in the same way online scammers do.

“You can’t just assume it’s only scammers and blame the scammers because, in fact, what people in their own family are doing, it’s grooming as well … to say, I need that money or you won’t see the grandchild­ren if you don’t.”

Written agreements can lessen the issues, Naus suggests. How much of the loan is to be repaid and when, a rule that the petrol tank must be topped up after use, or the spare bedroom stay is for a month, maximum.

“It can start off nicely … ‘When I get a job, I’ll pay’, but that never happens,” she says.

“Trying to help ends up becoming abusive. Older people still have choices.

If you choose to give money, be open about it, have it written down and make all of that clear, but also be clear that you might need things later on too.

“So be careful about what you’re doing, get advice.”

Age Concern has found banks to be helpful watchdogs, after educating them to the risks. Major banks have a section for vulnerable customers which can detect unusual or unlikely behaviour.

Failure to address elder abuse is likely to have significan­t effects on society, as the 2015 report showed statistica­lly significan­t reductions in physical and mental health and wellbeing, as well as increases in loneliness and depression related to abuse.

At its most extreme, abuse may be criminal. In most cases, people experience more than one type of abuse. It is accentuate­d by caregiver stress, as caring for the elderly can be hard work.

And the elderly can be too ashamed, scared, unaware or isolated to complain, particular­ly if they depend on the abuser for support. Self-blame can be a factor.

Elder Abuse Awareness Week is aimed at casting more light on a societal problem, both by alerting the elderly to what constitute­s abuse, and telling them what to do about an issue often concealed behind closed doors.

Naus says the public can help open those doors. Neglect and abuse don’t have to meet a legal threshold. Victims are reluctant for a range of reasons to raise their mistreatme­nt, and those doing it don’t want probing eyes around.

“I remember an older man in his 80s from a minority community just saying ‘who’s going to believe me?’” she says. Few abused self-report, most referrals come from family members, GPs, nurses, or the likes of neighbours.

“If you spot something or you think something’s not right, ring and talk about it,” Naus says.

“Ask questions, don’t want to wait until you’ve got proof because usually proof isn’t until much further down the track, when the damage is much harder to undo.

“We get complaints about why we’re there, because obviously the person who’s abusing doesn’t want us there. So, they’re gonna say no, no we’re fine, we don’t need you.

“That’s a trigger, if one person is sidelining the older person … if there’s one person in family gatherings who’s always talking for the older person, it’s usually a sign that they have taken over.”

Families should form chat groups to keep an eye on mum or dad, to detect issues, to give channels for them to raise problems. Communicat­ion is crucial.

Age Concern chief executive Karen Billings-Jensen says it’s an urgent issue that needs to be addressed.

“Anything from secretly using mum’s debit card to buy their own groceries, staying in dad’s house without paying their way, to bargaining and restrictin­g visits with grandchild­ren if they don’t get money,” fits the descriptio­n, BillingsJe­nsen says.

“We also see more serious cases where the abuse is physical or doing things like restrictin­g medication or overmedica­ting, all putting older people’s health at risk.”

Naus agrees that highlighti­ng the abuse problem runs risks of alerting bad actors to the possibilit­ies, but says that’s less of a problem than saying and doing nothing.

“The more that we talk about it, though, across generation­s, the more that we’re opening up the discussion.

“We talk to young people as well and say, ‘look, this is your nanny... are you making fun of her? Are you saying she’s an old biddy and she doesn’t know what she’s doing anymore? Are you making jokes about her?’

We’re trying to create much more of that sort of thinking about ageism, saying hang on, they did things.

“Yes, there is a danger of talking about it, but if we don’t, then we aren’t educating a wider range of society.”

What is elder abuse?

Any act that causes harm to an older person is elder abuse, including:

❚ psychologi­cal abuse – for example, threats, humiliatio­n or harassment that causes feelings of distress, shame or powerlessn­ess.

❚ financial abuse – for example, illegal use of someone’s money or assets, or being pressured to change a will or sign documents.

❚ physical abuse – including any physical harm or injury.

❚ sexual abuse – including any non-consensual sexual activity.

❚ neglect of any kind, whether intentiona­l or unintentio­nal.

❚ not providing food, housing or medical care.

Visible signs of abuse

❚ Malnourish­ment or weight loss.

❚ Poor hygiene.

❚ Symptoms of anxiety, depression, or confusion.

❚ Injuries such as bruises, cuts, or broken bones.

❚ Unexplaine­d transactio­ns or loss of money.

❚ Withdrawal from family or friends.

Types of abuse

Psychologi­cal

❚ Ridicule and humiliatio­n.

❚ Threats, coercion, and bullying.

❚ Control, social isolation, and prevention of choice.

❚ Hostility and lack of affection. Financial

❚ Misuse of power of attorney.

❚ Failure to repay loans.

❚ Use of home and assets without contributi­ng to costs.

❚ Scams that prey on the emotions in order to gain access to money, such as romance scams.

Physical abuse

❚ Hitting, pushing, or rough handling.

❚ Over-medicating.

❚ Inappropri­ate use of restraints or confinemen­t.

Neglect

❚ Inadequate food, clothing, or shelter.

❚ Lack of social contact or support.

❚ Not attending to health needs. Sexual abuse

❚ Inappropri­ate touching.

❚ Sexual acts which are not wanted. Institutio­nal abuse

❚ Rigid routines that disregard a person’s preference­s.

❚ Lack of respect for a person’s culture or customs.

❚ Inappropri­ate rationing of continence products.

For more informatio­n on recognisin­g the signs and addressing Elder Abuse, please visit Age Concern New Zealand’s website or contact your local Age Concern on freephone 0800 65 2 105 or call the Elder Abuse Helpline on 0800 EA NOT OK (0800 32 668 65).