Does teen travel foster independence or risk too much? Parents weigh in
Kirstie Allsopp was criticised for allowing her 15-year-old to go interrailing with a friend but what age would you allow your child that freedom? Arlene Harris speaks to mums and experts
TV presenter Kirstie Allsopp is best known for her ability to find the perfect home for disillusioned buyers. But she is also no stranger to controversy, causing a great deal of upset when she advised people struggling to get on the property ladder to cut down on expensive lunches and entertainment subscriptions.
In July, she made headlines again, this time by revealing on X that her almost 16-year-old son had spent nine days interrailing around Europe with a 16-year-old friend. Proudly sharing details of their trip, she was shocked when the internet erupted, with many condemning her for being negligent, some even reporting her to social services.
Posting on Instagram following the backlash, Allsopp said: “I thought his trip was inspiring, and it never occurred to me in a million years that a call from child services would be involved. It’s been a huge shock, not least for Oscar.”
We spoke to some Irish parents to find out whether or not they believe the outrage was justified or if Allsopp and her partner, Ben Anderson, were simply allowing their son a taste of the independence they felt he was able for.
Maryrose Lyons
Maryrose Lyons, MD of the AI Institute in Athlone, says she wouldn’t have a problem with giving her son Airt (14) the freedom to travel when he is a little older.
“I would be comfortable letting my son go if he agreed to allow me to track his device so I knew where he was, and his Revolut so I knew what he’s spending money on. Also, I would want him to have his WhatsApp location on and respond to calls or texts. Use of technology, a clear setting of boundaries and communication would make this a goer from my point of view.
“Obviously, it depends on the child and that the others with him are mature and respectful of cultures and rules. We are a family who have travelled a lot, so getting on and off trains and using apps to book accommodation and transport would not be something new, so there’s less likely to go wrong there.
“However, my son is 14, so the only place he’s going now is to school. But when he’s 16, if he wanted to, I would definitely consider it.”
Lucy Cronly
Lucy Cronly lives in Meath with her husband Nigel and three sons Liam (26), Eoin (21) and Niall (20). From both a professional viewpoint as a life coach who works with teens (lucycronlycoaching.ie) and as a parent of young adults, one of whom is autistic, she says that fostering independence is vital.
“Kirstie Allsopp knows her son and is best placed to make a decision about what he is capable of. It’s easy to cast judgment... but I would be curious to know how this trip was negotiated and what sparked the idea. Also, what safeguards were put in place and what was their emergency plan?
“I have three sons with different needs and capacities. The oldest, who is on the autistic spectrum, makes movies and had one shown at a film festival in London a few years ago. He decided he wanted to go over with a friend and while I wanted to say no as I was fearful it would overwhelm him or he wouldn’t manage, there was a conflict between my wish to keep him safe and his wish for adventure.
“So we discussed it, looked at what could go wrong and made contingency plans. He had an amazing weekend with wonderful adventures — it built his courage, responsibility and confidence. And I realised I could have got in the way of this wonderful opportunity and growth if I had let my fears take over.
“Kirstie’s son is at an age where there is concern but there is also great opportunity, courage, joy and confidence to be found in adventure. Travelling with a companion of a similar age puts a lot of responsibility on both of them and as parents, we strive to do what is best — but we want to build their capacity so they can become happy, competent adults.
“I worked with young people in the care system and often they spoke about not being allowed to stay home alone and adhering to strict guidelines up to the age of 18. When full adult responsibilities kicked in, they felt unprepared for adulthood.
“I think Kirstie knows her son and is building his skills under her guidance. The interviews she has given would seem to support that. We want our children to be safe but it is also important to allow them to do new, brave, exciting things.”
Sally Leadbetter
Sally Leadbetter, owner of PR Partners media relations agency, lives in Kilkenny with her husband Nameer Kazzaz and their two children Tiger (14) and Omar (7). As someone who has always enjoyed travelling, she has no hesitation in allowing her sons to follow suit.
“Travel is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your children. Growing up, I was fortunate to travel and experience different parts of the world, which I know shaped my perspective significantly. It’s important, especially in those formative years, to broaden young people’s horizons and expose them to different cultures and ways of thinking. This helps develop open-mindedness and empathy — qualities the world could use more of right now.
“At 16, teenagers are on the cusp of adulthood. Legally, they can leave school, live independently and hold down a full-time job. It’s also the digital age of consent in Ireland, and you can ride a (lower-powered) motorcycle, both arguably riskier than interrailing with your pals.
“I don’t understand the scrutiny Kirstie Allsopp is facing — parents know whether their teen is ready for such responsibility. So while some may not be mature enough, others are fully capable of handling the independence that travel brings.
“Interrailing suggests adventure, exploration and curiosity, a chance to learn invaluable life skills, such as money and time management, navigating different cultures and learning a new language. So, if my child felt ready to travel at 16, especially interrailing around Europe, I’d support that.
“Of course, I’d worry the entire time — that’s just part of being a parent. But these rites of passage are really important.”
Dee Woods
Dee Woods doesn’t agree. Living in Dublin with her husband Marty Miller, the mother of two, Eleanor (8) and Nathan (6), says that although she and Marty, both presenters on Radio Nova, love travelling, they would draw the line at allowing teenagers to head off alone.
“Travel is, in so many ways, the best education for a person of any age. However there’s a time to pack a bag for exploring and I don’t believe 15 is the right age, especially with a companion who’s just a bit older.
“I’m the first person to say kids spend way too much time with their back to the world and their face in a screen but I really don’t believe the world is safe enough to let a 15-year-old venture into the sunset without an adult.
“Kirstie referred to her son as her ‘little boy’ in a social media post defending her decision, so she doesn’t even see him as grown-up. I’d love to think the world was as safe as she thinks, but the risk of something going wrong is just too high.
“Of course, I will support and encourage my kids to travel in the future, as I want them to see, experience and take in as much as they can about different cultures, places and races but that has to be when they’re physically and mentally ready and, at the very least, 18. Even though my two are only eight and six, I’m already dreading the rite of passage that is the Leaving Cert holiday.”
It’s clear that there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to parenting, and senior psychologist Peadar Maxwell says whether or not we allow our children to travel independently is a “personal and unique” decision.
“It depends on factors such as their age, legal obligations around safety and protection and what type of travel experiences the parents and children have had,” he says.
“Some parents will remember their own backpacking days and wish their children to have the same wonderful experiences or avoid the dangers they experienced when they travelled, while some teenagers may have travelled extensively and perhaps to more unusual destinations than a more typical European holiday resort.
“Personally, I think it’s safe to say that most nearly 16-year-olds do not have the knowledge and experience to navigate outside of their own country or culture on their own. While I
“If my child felt ready to travel at 16, especially interrailing around Europe, I’d support that. Of course, I’d worry the entire time — that’s just part of being a parent”
certainly would advocate independence skills and adventure, I would caution against setting an adolescent up for trouble.
“A different approach to allowing them to head off alone is to give them more independence as they mature, while also being mindful to teach them the skills they will need. Those skills could be understanding danger, the importance of having a buddy or ally as you travel independently, respecting the culture in which you find yourself and assessing risk.”
Fellow psychologist, Dr Malie Coyne agrees and would not allow her own teenagers to travel alone. “I don’t think there is an exact age which is appropriate, because every teen is different in terms of their maturity, and every parent is different,” she says.
“I wouldn’t allow my 13-year-old to travel independently in two years. In the case of Kirstie Allsopp’s son, there may have been privilege going on — if they had money for taxis and were staying in nicer places or travelling first class on trains, compared to other 15-year-olds slumming it while interrailing.
“I’m not saying parents should or shouldn’t allow it, but I don’t believe that children at 15 are mature enough, so why not let them wait another year or two until they’re nearly finished school? If they really want to do it, come up with a compromise for them, maybe somewhere closer to home.”
However, despite not being comfortable with the idea of 15-year-olds travelling on their own, the clinical psychologist says it’s up to individual parents to make their own decisions.
“I don’t think that anything someone says on social media warrants them being vilified,” she says. “Each to their own, but we have to look at the teenager and their level of maturity. My husband and I were discussing this and he said it’s like a game of snakes and ladders — the ladders are the lucky times when things go well and Kirstie’s son was lucky that he had many of them to climb.
“But where there are ladders, there are snakes and we don’t know where these are. So while we may have prepared our kids well, the snakes are there and a 15-year-old brain may not be astute enough to know where to look and may end up going down.”