I long for my girl to say: I love you
BUT SHE HASN’T IN 5 YRS JANE O’GORMAN SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS TODAY ... AND EVERY DAY
ANY time I say “I love you” to my girlfriend she replies “me too”.
If I push it and ask if she’s in love with me she snaps “of course”. But she has never, in five years, uttered the three little words I long to hear.
Don’t get me wrong; she does loving things. She whips up a storm in the kitchen, makes me laugh and is always ready for sex, but it’s beginning to niggle that she’s never declared her love. Am I making a big fuss of nothing?
Most of the time we have a wonderful life together. We enjoy good food and adventurous holidays and go out with lively mates.
But I’ve never felt completely secure in this relationship. It makes me wince when she refers to herself as my girlfriend and not my partner. Is she waiting for someone better?
I’d like to get married and think about children, but she isn’t prepared to plan more than a few months in advance. She boasts that she’s spontaneous.
Any time I talk about our future together she changes the subject. My family mutter she deliberately leaves me feeling insecure because she’s not a very nice person, but I can honestly say that she’s never done anything horrible to me.
It’s just that her attitude and
FEELING INSECURE: He hasn’t heard those three little words from her in five years
intentions are vague.
The other night I suggested getting engaged and buying a house together (we currently rent) and she acted like she hadn’t heard me.
I got angry and repeated myself three times before she sighed: “You really are very tedious at times”. Am I?
JANE SAYS: Your girlfriend is perfectly entitled to live her life any way she likes. If she prefers to take one day at time and not make long-term plans, that’s up to her.
But if you increasingly feel you’re not important enough
to her, if you worry she doesn’t take your feelings or your emotional needs into consideration, then you and she need to start talking.
Longing for her to say “I love you” isn’t unreasonable, especially as you’ve been together for a considerable amount of time. Pick your moment to lay out your stall. Explain that knowing where you stand’s important to you.
What’s so hard about saying “I love you”? Is she simply marking time in your company in the hope of meeting someone else to settle down with? Explain
that words carry meaning and emotion and you long for reassurance and comfort.
Did she have a difficult upbringing? Could it be she’s emotionally stunted due to the way certain adults treated her as a child? Would she consider professional help?
Don’t allow your family to poison you against her, because the times you spend together sound like fun.
Equally, however, keep an open mind regarding what you want and what she’s able to give you. If the two don’t marry up, then maybe you do need to think again.