My ex now so alluring
I SPLIT from my long-term boyfriend on a whim. Big mistake.
In retrospect he was not that bad. In fact, if my recent dating experiences are anything to go by, he was one of the good guys.
I accused him of being a keen, but unadventurous lover. I also wanted him to earn more.
However, since our split I’ve dated nothing but duds.
I’ve been asked for money, weird sex, and unreasonable favours.
Now my ex is dating an old mate AND earning a fortune. How could I have been such a fool?
JANE SAYS: Clearly things weren’t right with your ex-partner, or you wouldn’t have dumped him. There’s no point looking back through rose-tinted glasses now.
He’s moved on and so must you.
Your recent experience with dating has obviously left you wary, so let romance take a back seat while you work out who you are and what you want in life.
See friends and family and make exciting plans for the year ahead.
Maybe you need to test yourself. What are your dreams? Where do you long to visit? What do you want to achieve?
MY mature lover runs sex parties for a living.
I adore her but worry she’s too hardcore and experienced for me. She’s 42 to my 26.
She has a huge circle of friends and hosts adult-themed gatherings for those with exotic tastes…
She lives in a massive house (courtesy of a divorce) and offers a pool, sex dungeon and fully equipped playroom as part of her exclusive packages.
She proudly proclaims that she loves her work and comes up with a new party theme each time. From “Duct Tape or Toga” to “Naked Men and Painted Women”, she is a witty and imaginative host.
At first, I thought she simply ran these events, but now I realise she does join in – to a certain extent. She insists it’s “purely business” but can our relationship ever be real when her professional life is so far removed from anything I’ve ever known?
She likes me because, according to her, I’m “untainted”.
But how do I introduce her to my folks who are bound to ask what she does for money? I can’t help worrying that I’m in over my head here.
She claims she has to attend her parties in order to ensure that everything runs smoothly – but she doesn’t have full sex with anyone – only me. She swears she isn’t into casual sex, threesomes, swinging, or anything like that – and doesn’t want me to be involved either.
She’s adamant that she keeps her private and professional lives separate. I’ve only slept with one other female beside her – and that was my teenage girlfriend who dumped me in 2015.
I adore my lover but feel like a bit of a spare part.
JANE SAYS: Only you can decide if your her profession is acceptable to you.
Presumably she’s paying her taxes and is not running anything illegal, so how do you feel about the moral aspect of what she is doing?
I think she needs to be clear about what her limits are – and exactly what she gets up to at her parties.
If she says she only has “full” sex with you, does that mean she’s still intimate with other people? How much are you prepared to tolerate?
Perhaps you need to keep on talking so that everything is clear in your mind.
From what I understand, she’s not asking you to join in, but how do you feel when she gets ready for another night of slap and tickle? If you’re embarrassed about being honest with your family, then maybe her world is too far removed from yours.
Ultimately, you’ve got to trust and respect her if this relationship is to blossom. Take it a day at a time and see how you get on in the coming weeks and months.
You have to consider your mental and sexual health. Remaining true to your values is vital. Just make sure that you’re not being used as her plaything. Do you consider yourself her emotional equal? Are you respected?