Rows over bitter mum-in-law are ruining baby joy
Dear Coleen
My husband and I welcomed our first child two months ago and we couldn’t have been happier about it. However, we’re not getting along at all at the moment and I don’t know why or how to sort it out.
We’re arguing all the time when we used to agree with each other on pretty much everything. The situation is complex because his parents are divorced and we get a lot of grief from his mum, who despises his dad.
In the past, we’ve always agreed on how unreasonable his mum is, but now my husband gets angry whenever I give my opinion and tells me to stay out of it. He’s not taking her side exactly, but he’s angry at me when he should be angry with her.
I have enough on my plate with a newborn and just want things to go back to how they were between us. The latest from his mum is that she’s refusing to come to our baby’s christening in December because his dad will be there with his new wife.
Instead of taking this up with his mum, my husband just seems to be angry with everyone else and now I’m too scared to even bring it up.
Coleen says
Oh, new babies! It’s all hearts and rainbows on paper, but becoming a first-time parent is hard. When my sons were very young I remember thinking, “What did we argue about before the kids came along?”
The fact is, as wonderful as parenthood is, it’s also exhausting and sometimes stressful, and it’s easy to lose yourselves in it.
As far as the in-laws maybe choose not to involved in the drama. Perhaps you giving your opinion isn’t helping when your husband is already stressed and he’s taking it out on you because that’s what people do – we take things out on the ones we love most.
However, it’s down to him to speak to his mum. If she doesn’t want to come to the christening that’s her choice, but it’s selfish of her to force a situation where go, get her son feels like he has to choose between her and his dad. He should point this out to her.
Try to stay calm and let him deal with his family – you have enough on your plate.
Take a step back, tell him you’re not going to argue about it any more, but you understand and that you’re here for him, and will back him up whatever he decides is the best way to tackle the issue with his parents.
Tiredness is a killer with a newborn, but you do get used to it and you find a routine, and things do get easier. I promise. However, you have to make time for each other. Get help with the baby, even for a few hours, and use that time to take a break and just be with each other.
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He’s angry with me but should be mad at her