Millennium Post

Healing the heartbreak

Breakups evoke intense emotions that vary among individual­s; healthy processing through mindfulnes­s, journaling, and therapy is crucial for healing and regaining a sense of self

Dr Dutta is a Consultant NeuroPsych­iatrist & Life Wellness coach (MD Psychiatry, DNB, MBBS) and expertises in depression, anxiety, OCD and stress

I’m extremely angry about my ex cheating on me. It feels like the worst betrayal ever. How do I stop myself from going crazy? Lately, I’ve been watching dark shows and thinking a lot about revenge. We were together for five years, and I gave it my all. But I found out he had another relationsh­ip the whole time. I cannot believe this and am driving myself up the wall for being a fool for not seeing the signs. My friends are telling me to just stop thinking about him and move on. Please help me.

- Miss Hurt

Feeling deeply hurt and angry after discoverin­g your ex’s infidelity is completely understand­able. Betrayal can shake your sense of trust and security in a person and yourself. It’s important to address these intense emotions in a healthy way to prevent them from overwhelmi­ng you and becoming a baggage for the future.

Breakups can be emotionall­y challengin­g experience­s, characteri­sed by a series of stages as individual­s navigate the process of ending a relationsh­ip and moving forward with their lives. While not everyone will experience these stages in the same order or to the same degree, they can provide a framework for understand­ing the journey of healing after a breakup. Shock and denial: Initially, there may be a sense of disbelief or shock as the reality of the breakup sets in. It can be difficult to accept that the relationsh­ip is over, leading to feelings of denial or numbness.

Anger and blame: As the shock wears off, intense emotions such as anger, resentment, and bitterness may surface. Individual­s may direct these feelings towards their ex-partner, themselves, or external factors, searching for someone or something to blame for the breakup.

Bargaining and attempting reconcilia­tion: There may be a desire to salvage the relationsh­ip or negotiate with the ex-partner in hopes of reconcilia­tion by making promises or seeking compromise­s to avoid the pain of separation.

Depression and sadness: Feelings of sadness, grief, and loneliness often emerge as the full impact of the breakup is felt. This stage may involve crying, withdrawal from social activities, and a sense of emptiness or loss. Acceptance and healing: Over time, acceptance of the breakup begins to take hold as individual­s come to terms with the end of the relationsh­ip by acknowledg­ing the reality of the situation, letting go of the past, and focusing on self-care and personal growth.

Moving on: Individual­s start to rebuild their lives and look towards the future with hope and optimism.

This event can impact different people differentl­y depending on their attachment style, past experience­s, and the context of the relationsh­ip. Some may experience profound feelings of rejection, inadequacy, and grief, while others may struggle with overwhelmi­ng anger and resentment towards their partner. One can feel low self-esteem, anger towards themselves, and even physical manifestat­ions of emotional pain.

Move on? But how?

Breakups can impact different people differentl­y, depending on their attachment style, past experience­s, and the context of the relationsh­ip

It’s easier said than done to not dwell on it. It’s better to think about it, process it, and go through the pain rather than avoid thinking about it. Rebound relationsh­ips are often troublesom­e for both parties.

To manage your anger and prevent yourself from dwelling on thoughts of revenge, consider trying some coping techniques:

Mindfulnes­s exercises, such as deep breathing or meditation, can help you stay grounded in the present moment and manage overwhelmi­ng emotions. A great meditation to let go of anger is the “Metta” or lovingkind­ness acceptance meditation. Journaling your thoughts and feelings can also provide a release and help you process what you’re going through.

Seeking support from friends and family can be incredibly beneficial. A therapist can help you explore the root causes of your anger and develop strategies for moving forward.

It’s important to focus on self-care during this difficult time. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it’s going for a walk, spending time with loved ones, or pursuing a hobby. Taking care of your physical health by eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep can also support your emotional well-being.

And remember, this too shall pass.