Pap smear fear
There is nothing more terrifying to me than going for a routine pap smear check. The image of the metal speculum and the manoeuvring from my first examination still replays like a bad memory. It feels very much like embracing voluntary torture. Even without seeing it I could already feel the discomfort that is driven by its coldness.
Pap smears are one of those things that despite how much you mentally prepare for it, it still finds a way to shock you and doesn’t seem to ever really get better with time. And yes even with a plastic speculum the discomfort is still there because the pressure felt from the speculum as brushes collect cells from your cervix doesn’t change.
This is my fourth examination in my lifetime. The first one, I created so much fuss for the nurse taking the sample that she refused in the end and referred me to a doctor who then had to talk me through the entire procedure. The second one, I begged my husband to just stay and hold my hand which if anything made me more anxious.
I feel that there is a misconception that once you are sexually active or deliver a baby the severity of the pain can’t be that bad and if anything women are always thought to be overreacting when really two things can be true at the same time. It really is painful, perhaps different but still painful. This ignorance in itself drove me up a wall. The following two occasions I went alone and though it still pained, mentally I felt like I had gathered a fair bit of experience on how to cushion the blow throughout the process.
Vocalise your fears
Though the 30 seconds could feel like 30 minutes, the most important thing I believe is to voice your fears early. Any health practitioner who doesn’t accommodate you so much by listening will just make everything worse. No question or inquiry is dumb despite them doing this a million times over and especially so when there are foreign objects and bodies involved. Enquire about the speculums available and possibilities of having a plastic one or even a shorter or narrower one if that makes you comfortable.
Embrace the awkwardness
It’s weird to talk about your life while your legs are in the stirrups, but really it is exactly what you need to do; not only to distract your mind but to slowly discard the shame we attach to our bodies and the ways in which we have to care for them.
Pain mitigation
Going with the expectation that it will be painless is setting yourself up for shock and disappointment. However, I felt small things like emptying your bladder makes a big difference because it reduces the pressure on your pelvic area. So even if you feel as if you don’t have to go, still go
While some things may always be painful and uncomfortable, they don’t have to be daunting by additionally having them done in an environment that doesn’t work cohesively with you to understand your fears and address them accordingly if there are ways to do so. The speculum isn’t going anywhere for a while and neither should your voice and the desire to care for your body.