Tourism in the buff
A nude Caribbean cruise is in the works
A major cruise line recently announced a cruise of the Caribbean for next February. Now, a Caribbean cruise is not news. All the major cruise lines do them.
What is news is that this cruise is for nudists.
(So instead of wishing passengers “bon voyage,” would you more correctly say “buff voyage”?)
Cruisers board the ship fully clothed. Clothes are doffed (in the privacy of one’s cabin) once the ship leaves port. All events and attractions on board are then enjoyed au naturel, including meals. Cruisers must carry a towel upon which to plop their bare backsides.
Imagine typical cruise ship pastimes done totally naked, like tennis, ping pong, jogging around the ship, pool volleyball, zip-lining, rock wall climbing, dancing, watching movies, cooking classes, wine and spirits tasting, etc.
Could one keep a straight face when meeting the captain and other senior officers, all of whom, along with the crew, stay in uniform? (“Hey Skipper, my eyes are up here.”)
Bonus: no need to pack multiple sets of clothes, including “casual chic” evening wear. Just bring the same suit that you loved running around in as a toddler.
When the naked Caribbean cruise visits various ports, then naturists must wear clothes to disembark, so they may engage in shore excursions and visit the shops without offending locals.
All of which got me thinking: why don’t we have more public nudist events, right here? It would be a huge boost to tourism, not just from participants, but from hordes of gawkers. It would bring new meaning to the phrase “all natural.” (Peterborough could bring back its former slogan: “It’s a natural”.)
Yes, nudist events already exist, but they are confined to secluded naturist camps, or naturist-only private venues.
Some typical events done while wearing one’s birthday suit:
Imagine a sailing regatta where all crew are unclothed. Or an Ironman Triathlon with naked athletes. (In ancient Greece, the Olympics were contested by naked male athletes.)
Nude tai chi or yoga or chess playing in the park. Nude dog walking. Nude golf.
A naked cycling marathon to raise money for cancer (especially skin cancer).
Nature hikes would become naturist hikes. Bug spray would be sold by the gallon.
Local beaches would, of course, become nude beaches. Kiosks selling sunblock lotion would do a roaring business. Volunteers would offer to apply said sunblock at no charge.
Cities and towns could advertise themselves as “skin friendly.”
Certain sports would have players remain fully clothed, due to necessary protective gear, like hockey. Otherwise, you’d have to explain your “ice burn” or frostbite to the emergency admitting nurse.
Motor coach tours would be offered for those who insist on travelling light — very light. You’d only need a small bag of toiletries. And a towel. Ditto long-distance train rides.
Checked or carry-on baggage would be eliminated on plane trips. The airlines, always pressed for carry-on cabin space since they started charging usurious fees for checked bags, would love that!
Instead of “midnight madness” sales events, shopping malls could have “nude madness.” Shoplifting would be minimal, since there would be no clothes in which to hide stuff.
Cautions and precautions: Warnings would have to be publicized: “Caution: Naked event in progress” — to forestall lawsuits from the easily-offended.
For certain body types and ages, signage must be erected: “Viewer discretion advised.”
Photography would be prohibited.