Mark Simmons’ ship joke named funniest of Edinburgh fringe
A joke by Mark Simmons has been declared the funniest of this year’s Edinburgh fringe festival, chosen by a public panel from a shortlist compiled by comedy critics.
Simmons, who got into comedy more than a decade ago after his friend convinced him to do an open mic night, won the television channel U&Dave’s funniest joke of the fringe award with “I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it”.
The joke, taken from his PHB’s Free Fringe show at the Liquid Room Annexe, was included in an anonymous shortlist of 15 one-liners put to 2,000 members of the public.
Forty per cent of those surveyed voted for his gag as their number one, meaning Simmons joins the likes of Tim Vine, Stewart Francis and Zoe Lyons as a winner of an award now in its 15th year.
He has certainly earned it. After kicking off his solo Edinburgh fringe journey back in 2014, Simmons’s gags have placed ninth, sixth and second. The top gong had eluded him, until now.
The comedian said he was “really chuffed” with the win. “I needed some good news as I was just fired from my job marking exam papers. Can’t understand it, I always gave 110%.”
The winning joke was not the only one penned by Simmons to make the shortlist decided by a panel of critics who attended hundreds of fringe shows in August.
Also considered worthy was his Olympics gag: “I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton. Well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.”
Another comic to make the shortlist was Chelsea Birkby, whose Wetherspoons one-liner caught the attention of the critics. “British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons?”
Sophie Duker’s joke comparing Keir Starmer to an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher was also recognised, as was this Arthur Smith gag: “I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it.”
Cherie Hall, U&Dave’s channel director, said: “This year’s top 15 list features a hilarious blend of jokes that are
sure to keep us laughing until the next joke of the fringe.”
Simmons’ show More Jokes is at the Liquid Rooms Annexe until Saturday 24 August.
Top 10 jokes
1. I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship, but I bottled it. Mark Simmons
2. I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward, two steps back. Alec Snook
3. Ate horse at a restaurant once – wasn’t great. Starter was all right, but the mane was dreadful. Alex Kitson
4. I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it. Arthur Smith
5. I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton. Well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it. Mark Simmons
6. My dad used to say to me: “Pints, gallons, litres” – which, I think, speaks volumes. Olaf Falafel
7. British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons? Chelsea Birkby
8. My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had. Zoë Coombs Marr
9. I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person. My pronouns are “there, there”. Sarah Keyworth
10. Keir Starmer looks like an AIgenerated image of a substitute teacher. Sophie Duker